It’s happened to all of us. In the days leading up to big presentations or job interviews, we get the pre-showjitters. These feelings can make your heart beat faster or cause your stomach to ache. They are the ones that can leave you feeling numb and helpless as you try to remember everything that’s about come up.
As it stands, then, one would feel the same emotions in the days before they plan to propose to the love of his or her life. It is normal to feel nervous about the proposal. However, sometimes it can be a sign that you aren’t ready to ask that question. How can you tell the difference between them?
Toni Coleman, LCSW and CMC is a psychotherapist, mediator, and relationship coach who spoke to us about the meaning of it all–and how she deals with anxiety about getting married.
Be aware that it’s possible to be nervous about proposing marriage, but not the actual proposal.
Anybody who is nervous about the proposal, when they will ask their partner to be their long-term partner, is concerned about the what, where and how. Coleman says that they are often worried that their plans will not go according to plan and that the proposal might disappoint them. The expert says these feelings are normal.
You should be concerned about your anxiety about making a commitment to your family for the rest of your life. The “jitters” that come with doubting or worrying about whether or not you should propose are totally different to the normal “jitters”. You can tell the difference when you are open with yourself and what your feelings are telling.
What are some warning signs that nerves may be coming from a longer-term place?
These are two big red flags you should not be proposing. Coleman says, “When you don’t feel ready to make this proposal, but it is expected,” or if you propose because everyone tells you not to let this wonderful person go. Don’t ask if you aren’t completely committed to this person’s future. Another reason that people don’t propose is because they aren’t ready. Coleman states that some people see their friends and family getting married at a certain age, and assume it’s the next step. She adds that if any of these are the reason you are asking, it is worth taking some time to reevaluate the situation.
How can women and men combat pre-proposal nerves regularly?
Coleman says, “Don’t fight your nerves if it feels wrong.” Instead, address it. Ask your friends and family for suggestions. Keep the proposal short and sweet if you are nervous about the proposal. You can’t go wrong if you put your heart into the proposal.
Only you will know if your nerves indicate pre-prom jitters or deeper concerns about marriage. You should trust your gut and listen to your heart to discern the difference.